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issue 42

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welcome

 
new articles

Fall is a wonderful time to be a loser. No, it's not the dopey fall activities like going to see the leaves fall or raking all those goddam leaves back up again that make being a loser so great at this time of the year. It's baseball. Yeah, baseball is the only sport that celebrates the loser. The World Series is entering its last two games with the underdog up, but no one really seems to care. Why, because the perennial losers already lost.

How fitting that one of those celebrated losers, the Chicago Cubs, tried to pin their losing on some Joe Average loser that just happened to be in the way at a crucial time. Sitting alone, listening to the game on headphones, he reached up for a foul ball that may or may not have been out of the reach of charging outfielder Moises Alou. You can tell this guy has already suffered enough in his life just from looking at him, but if you also take into account his name, you really have to pitty him. 26 years old and named Steve Bartman means that he had to be about 13 when The Simpsons introduced the "Bartman" action figure and dance. "Hey Bartman, do the Bartman, Bartman." Yeah, that guy had it rough. You can almost see it in his eyes, past the glare from his prominent eyeglasses.

But losers have a way of sticking together. Sure the Cubs fans will give Bartman a rough time for a while, but in the end they'll realize they are all losers for they are all Cub fans, and that is the source of their pride. It turns out its easy to get lucky, like the Marlins this year. It's much harder to be terminally unlucky. So while losers are quick to belittle their most famous of losing brethren, they are also quick to come to their senses and celebrate what makes losing so great.

A great example of that is the so-called Star Wars Kid, some teenager in Quebec that recorded himself imitating Darth Maul's two-bladed light saber assault and accidently became the toast of the internet, following other internet losers who got their 15 minutes of fame, like "That Turkish Ladies' Man" or "That Cat Who Looked At The Eminem Auction" or "Steve Jobs." Of course, that kid was so embarassed, he not only probably never went to school again, he also sued his (ex-)classmates who digitized and distributed the video to the tune of $160,000 (although, keep in mind that is Canadian dollars and equates to about 50 bucks US). However, even before the lawsuit came out, all the other losers of the world—those with so little of a life that they actually keep track of the latest internet fads—started to stick up for the Star Wars Kid. A collection was made, and the Star Wars Kid was given a brand new I-Pod (someone tell Steve Jobs). Also, a petition was started to get Star Wars Kid in the final prequel, and he likely will be starring in place of Joey Fatome with Justin, J.C., and the rest of *NSYNC.

I guess the bottomline is that few of us actually are non-losers for any significant amount of time. Back when these baseball curses started, there were only 3 teams: the Yankees, the Red Soxes, and the Cubs, so it was pretty easy for the losers to start their streaks. I mean, when the Yank's bought Babe Ruth for $100,000, you have to realize that the guy that replaced him in the Red Sox lineup was the tenor from the Broadway show that money went towards funding. When so few of us have any chance of actually winning, there's no shame in losing.

If you have any comments about the site, please send us an email or stop by our message board. Look for our next issue on December 5th. Thanks for your prompt and efficient service.

info@fakejazz.com

 
previous issues: 0, 1, 2, 3, cu, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,
11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20,
wl, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30,
31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39,
40, 41
Glenn Donaldson/Jewelled Antler Collective
(interview)
added 24 oct
The Wade Robson Project Sucks Project:
Season 1, Quarterfinal 2

(mp3s and poll)
Results: Quarterfinal 1
added 24 oct
Tom and Adam's NFL Picks — Week 8
previous weeks: 7, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
(article)
updated 24 oct
Report From the Underground:
A Manifesto of Sorts

(article)
updated 24 oct
Mogwai
(interview)
added 22 sep
Suntan
(interview)
added 22 sep

new reviews

Various Artists - Wooden Guitar
Pelt - Pearls From the River
Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism
US Maple - Purple On Time.

Anomoanon - Asleep Many Years in the Wood Arab Strap - The Shy Retirer EP
David Bowie - Reality Cantwell, Gomez, and Jordan - s/t
Cotton Casino - 100% Pure Cotton 7" Loren Connors - The Departing of a Dream Vol. II
Consonant - Love and Affliction Devorah Day - Light of Day
Julie Doiron/Okkervil River - split album Dub Narcotic Sound System - Hand Clappin' EP
Early Day Miners - Jefferson at Rest Enos Slaughter - Live at the Philadelphia Record Exchange EP CDR
Friends Forever - Killball Flying Saucer Attack - P.A. Blues CDR
Alastair Galbraith and Constantine Karlis - Radiant Penny Ikinger - Electra
In Gowan Ring - Exists and Entrances Volume 3 Vernal Equinox 2003 Iron and Wine - The Sea & The Rhythm
Izititiz - Lucky Bird Jennifer Gentle and Makoto Kawabata - The Wrong Cage
Kinski/Acid Mothers Temple - split album James Mason - Carnival Sky
Ian Nagoski - Effortless Battle Neurosis and Jarboe - s/t
Harris Newman - Non-Sequiturs Angie Pepper - Res Ipsa Loquitor
Polmo Polpo - Like Hearts Swelling Rachel's - Systems/Layers
Sunburned Hand of the Man - Closer to the Bone, Magnetic Drugs, Hoof Trip 7" Sightings - Absolutes
Stereolab - Instant 0 in the Universe EP John Weise - Bubble Pulse
Yo La Tengo - Today is the Day EP

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