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John McTiernan is a man of great vision. Not only was he able to successfully
remake Rollerball with dolt du jour Chris Klein in James Caan's role, but way back
in 1987, he was able to make a movie starring all the future leaders of
the world. Of course, a movie with a cast of this magnitude has to deal
with important topics. This was no Bedtime for Bonzo farce that just
happened to star someone with future clout; this was a movie designed to attract
people who would eventually become great leaders. The film deals with
global political intrigue in a frank and brutal manner: imagine that several members
of the President's cabinet had been kidnapped by a guerrila group in South
America.
Of course, the country must assemble a group of its strongest, most highly trained individuals in order to perform a life-or-death rescue mission
in order to save those cabinet members and insure the future safety of the
world. The leader of that group of men, of course, was Major Dutch, as played
by the future governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger, and his band of
commandos includes the current governor of Minnesota and future president
of the world Jesse Ventura. The movie, of course, is Predator.

Someone with skills like these would be hard to track.
How fitting, though, that Schwarzenegger and Ventura's opponent in Predator
would also turn out to be this country's greatest enemy. The Predator was played
by Kevin Peter Hall, a 7'2" actor who you also might remember as "Harry" in
Harry and the Hendersons and "the tall black guy" in the TV series
"Misfits of Science." During Hall's time in South America filming Predator,
he was able to learn from the real-life guerillas who were working with
the research department of the moviea major reason why Predator's portrayal of terrorist groups was so realistic.
According to records, Kevin Peter Hall died in 1991. Or did he? As
Hitler lived on in South America long after World War II, Hall was able to trump
his reported demise and continue on living in the Sudan. It's no coincidence that
Osama bin Laden was expelled from Saudi Arabia during that same yearthey
both ended up in the Sudan where together they would plot the bombing of
the US Embassies in Africa and the World Trade Center.
You may be skeptical, but consider the trauma Hall survived. Not only was he
put to shame by not one but two governors in the first Predator movie, he was
dragged out in a second one where he had his ass kicked again, this time
by Danny Glover, Gary Busey, and current Security Advisor Condeleeza Rice.
So, Hall's hatred of America runs deep. You may not have heard of Hall's
hand in the terror acts of the last ten years but trust us, he was there.
Reportings of Bigfoot are decades old, but usually they happen in the northern
United States in areas surrounding major national parks. Seldom do you hear
of Bigfoot sightings in Oklahoma. Yet, if you study National Inquirer
records between the years 1993 and 1995, you'll see that there were dozens
of reported sightings in and around the Oklahoma City area. Is it coincidence
that Hall played Bigfoot in Harry and the Hendersons? Is it coincidence
that the bombing of the Murrah building happened after the last known sighting
of Hall in 1991?
After completing his plan in Oklahoma, Hall returned to the Middle East and
Africa, where he reportedly remains to this day. While one may question the
ability of a 7'2" TV star to hide (irregardless of whether 6'6" bin Laden
remains at large), consider the other ability Hall has displayed in his
roles: the ability to shrink his body. Yes, part of the reason Hall was
cast in the TV series "Misfits of Science" is because he is able to shrink
his body to approximately 8 inches in length. This ability was turned into
a "superpower" for the purposes of the TV show, along with the rock star's ability to shoot lightning while he
plays electric guitar and Courtney Cox's ability to fall in love with complete idiots.
Finding an 8 inch tall man in Pakistan is quite a bit like finding a needle
in a haystack, now isn't it.
If you have any comments about the site, please send us an email or stop by our message board. Look for our next issue on September 19th. Thanks for not taking us seriously.
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