• Actually, I'm doing tampon commercials. I play a soldier in a war and I get shot in the arm. But, LUCKILY I HAVE A TAMPON which I shove into my arm, and it stops the bleeding! At the end, it shows me going into battle wearing an all white uniform, with an extra bounce in my step.

• When I write...I write my reviews based on what TV I watched while "listening" to it. That is why Yellow 6 always got good reviews...his records seem to come out just when the Big Brother starts.

• Again, I disagree. Let's look to various zombie classifications -
  1. space/mysterious/otherwise zombies - a la those from Night/Dawn/Day of the Dead. These are your zombies that come about from some bizarrely unknown situation. Arguably the best zombies and mankind's 1 true threat that we should always be worried about.
  2. science zombies - We have all sorts of entries here. Think things caused by viruses (28 Days Later), experiments (Resident Evil, etc), things more scientific and less "I don't know how that happened" that those from category 1.
  3. magic zombies - Where you have fun dark forces helping to create the dead to come back and do their bidding. You can argue here since they really have no self-control and are extensions of the dark magus behind them, but those under necromantic control are very legit.
  4. the catch-all zombies - like water zombies (are they magic? I don't know. are they undead? too hard to tell). think zombies from like Carnival of Souls.

• Pete, I agree with you, babies are precious, dirty theives sent to us from heaven.

  As for canned food, I have to totally agree with Jim. Nothing in the can tastes as good as fresh or frozen food. That is just a fact.

  And I also agree with Pete, canned food is needed. But, it totally would be stupid to eat canned food when you have other, better options.

  Save the canned food for times of destruction...no reason to suffer by eating it now.

• - We should start a new magazine called Flakejazz where we review records based on their covers and on other reviews, without actually hearing any of them.

  + Wait, how is that any different?

  - There's an "L" in it.

Maybe next issue we should start an advice column to fill this space. If you have any personal or relationship problems that you think could be helped by our vast knowledge of television shows and heavy metal lyrics, please send an email to deardaron@fakejazz.com.

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