The first rumor is that Ned and Daron have not talked to each other since Ned found out that Daron has invited young boys to share his bed with him. According to a recent TV interview, Daron is shown with boys as young as 22 and 23 years old discussing how, as a gesture of love and comfort, Daron allows these boys to sleep next to him in his bed when they are on tour together. While Daron does regularly share his bed with young boys, this is not the reason for the recent turmoil. Ned is aware that Daron shares his bed with young boys. In fact, ten years ago, when Ned was younger, he once in a while shared a bed with Daron while touring with the band Sunshine and the Biffs. Ned has no problem with Daron's bed sharing behavior.

The other rumor is that Ned and Daron recently proposed to the same pregnant woman. Rumor has it that Ned had impregnated his longtime girlfriend Milla Jovovich. Ned had planned on proposing after she gave birth. While Ned was out for a smoke break at the hospital, Daron found the engagement ring in Ned's coat pocket, and in a wacky twist, presented it to Milla with a confused and shocked look. As the rumor goes, without saying a word, Milla accepted Daron's proposal and the two recently eloped in Las Vegas. This rumor is not true. While Daron is currently engaged to Milla Jovovich, she has not given birth yet, and we believe the baby is Dick Baldwin's, not Ned's. So while this rumor has some truth, it is actually the reason for the split between Ned and Dick, not Ned and Daron.

Now that we have gotten the rumors out of the way, the true reason why Ned and Daron are fighting and could not prepare a report is a purely artistic one. Daron believed the focus of the next report should be the movie "BikerBoyz," and he had prepared a thesis comparing and constrasting Kid Rock's role in the movie to Jack Nicholson's role in "Easy Rider." While the thought of using NOS in a motorcycle (or "chopper") intrigued Ned, he felt that further discussion of NOS might make the Report seem too one-dimensional, like all they care about is making their fast cars faster. Instead, Ned wanted the focus of the next report to be on the movie "Kangaroo Jack." Ned had prepared an argument for how Jack (the kangaroo in the movie) is really a symbol for Arab totalitarian governments, and how the red sweatshirt the kangaroo steals is really a symbol for the human toll (blood) that must be paid in order to ensure future prosperity (get the money back).

Sadly, these artistic issues could not be resolved. In fact, the rift between them is so big, there may never be a resolution, as Daron feels they must continue to report on the evolution of the use of NOS in cinema, while Ned feels the reports would be more vital if they explored how cinema related to world politics. The only way they can resolve their differences is from a big reader response. We have setup a poll so that Ned and Daron can hear how much their work is appreciated, which will hopefully inspire them to get over their differences and continue their partnership. Please cast your vote, and let them know how much you missed this issue's Report!

If you have any comments about the site, please send us an email or stop by our message board. Look for our next issue on March 21st. Thanks, and please call again.