The Ned and Daron Report, Volume 1:3
If a woman deep in the throes of pregnancy and great with child attempts to exert herself inappropriately by lifting a great weight, the infant baby may fly out her bellybutton with force, causing permanent damage to the woman's abs and making her have to go to the hospital. In accordance with the deeply patriarchal and woman hating attitudes firmly woven into the fabric of the medical profession, this type of event would be dismissively referred to officially as a "hernia". This belittlement of the plight of women really irritates Daron and me, and we have talked about starting a foundation about it. But legally this may take a few months to work out, and it may not be quick enough to save Pamela Anderson, who reportedly is pregnant by Kid Rock. She should really stay home and take care of her baby, but I'm afraid that, like many other over-confident and obsessively careerist Hollywood stars, she will insist on continuing to work, shooting episodes of "Stacked" one after another, and just standing behind a pile of books or a coffee making machine to hide her belly as it gets unsightly big.
I think that it is important to note that we aren’t saying that Pamela really “should really stay home and take care of her baby”, but that we are saying that she should have that option, while at the same time also be able to continue her career of dating Kid Rock on TV, and starring on TV’s show “Stacked” without having to hide her expanding belly behind piles of books, or Christopher Lloyd’s head while he sits his lazy ass in that chair he sits in while that other guy is looking at Pamela’s breasts and that other lady is complaining about not being able to get a date.
When interviewed by scientists, we assume that celebrity ladies would say that the worst thing about being pregnant is that they have to give up a couple of months of the perfect abs and delts. Another lady celebrity said the worst thing about it is that they have to have a baby afterwards.
Ned and I met up, respectively, with two different groups of scientists, as to come away with twice as many ideas while avoiding the possibility of idea pollution coming from either Ned or I, whichever had already met with the other one of the group of scientists. We separately explained the situation we were trying to resolve to our group, and surprisingly, even in this controlled environment, both groups came up with very similar possible solutions (see figure 1 & 2 respectively).
We are currently in the midst of forming our new foundation MBAPF (The Matriarchal Baby Ab Protection Foundation) based on the ideas gathered from our scientific interactions. However, as Ned has already stated, the forming basis of this foundation’s ground floor might take even more than one month or so, which means that Pamela, and some other list of celebrities that I think I read might be currently pregnant may totally only have one or more months minus 9 to get everything organized and set up to keep their careers and home life totally tight.
(Continue)
