The Ned and Daron Report: Whew, Last Week was Funny II

So I guess you all might have probably noticed that it has been a few issues since Ned and I have had a new report. Quite frankly, it is mostly Ned’s fault. But the last thing I want to do is blame him…so I wrote this fictional story that blames someone else. Okay, here goes: A few months ago, we were at an advanced screening of some movie…ummm, let’s say it was Wrong Turn, that was a pretty good movie…and anyway, we were sitting through the never-ending faceless and forgettable assembly-line of film trailers that we are always subject to as Art and Industry Critics at said events...when, BAM! Right then, one stood out from the crowd. It was for S.W.A.T.. I was immediately intrigued—What a cast! What a story! And what and exciting tag line! “Sometimes even the Police have to call 911.” EVEN THE POLICE!?! Wow. Now that is intense!

Hundreds of ideas were working their way through my mind, working together to make some really exciting and sometimes really funny scenes (or scenarios, as I call them). For example, one was about how maybe, if a police found out that someone was stealing from another police’s desk, they would have to call the other police…the S.W.A.T.! And one was about a bear that was accidentally ordained to be a police man. I was getting so excited! I couldn’t wait until I could watch some cops totally help out some other cops with some stuff that those other cops might have totally needed!

So, anyway, after seeing the preview for S.W.A.T., I couldn’t really bring myself to see any other movie, not even Mandy Moore’s How To Deal (which, if I am to believe some of the reviews I have read, not only features a really funny pot smoking grandma, but also a totally cute The New Guy-ish look-a-like boyfriend).

Coincidentally, around this same time period, I noticed that FX was rerunning the 8th season of Beverly Hills 90210, and for whatever reason (I am not going to get into this now, in public) I was unable to watch most of the 8th season when it was originally on, and there was no way in hell that I was going to miss it a second time. The 8th season is so totally intense! Noah is so in love with Donna, but for some reason, she can’t quite give up that asshole David, who totally hasn’t even been interesting since season 3! And who would have thought that Noah would totally end up in Valerie’s arms? Especially after he accidentally date raped her after his brother dropped some drugs in her wine glass. I sure didn’t. Neither did Dicky B. We were both totally shocked.

I wish me and Dicky B could have been there, back in the day, and we could have gone to the Peach Pit and had Nat fix us up a couple of his Double P specials, or maybe we could head out back, to the Peach Pit After Dark to dance and get to see the hottest new band on the music and radio stations. If only I was there, I know I could help Donna get over her over-the-counter drug addiction, and help Steve find out who is sending those sexy scented letters to him. Well, anyway, I guess I better get going cause Fox’s The OC starts in a few minutes, and that missundazstood troublemaker from Chino is a real dreamboat.